Motherhood.

18 May 2017


I've always been the mothering type and I would mother anyone who would lend themselves to my mothering nature. But the evolution that took place the moment I saw that picture of my two hatching embryos was far greater than the mothering nature that I thought I already had.

This year I celebrated my third Mother's Day. I am such a different mother than I thought I would be before we had children. Honestly, MOTHERHOOD is the best teacher about what kind of mother you will be. I had all these rules about how I would care for my kids, what I would teach them, how we would sleep, how they would eat, how long we would breastfeed, how we would discipline etc. Some of those things that related to my core values are exactly where I thought they would be. Other things like breastfeeding, sleeping, schooling, discipling and eating are completely beyond where I expected and today, I am okay with that.

Beautiful gifts from my darling boys.
I remember saying to some friends that I wanted my bed to only be for my husband and I. I was afraid that sleeping with babies would change my marriage and I wanted to keep that intimate connection (not sexual intimacy) with my husband. However after being separated from my babies after their birth I was afraid of being away from them and the first night we were home I couldn't bare the thought of having my tiny 5 and 6 pound babies sleeping more than 30 feet away from me in cold lonely cribs. So that night the co-sleeping life chose me. Now, nearly 3 years later they do nap and sleep the majority of the time in their cribs but if something should be amiss at any time that they are sleeping they are always welcomed in our bed. If motherhood has taught me one thing for sure it is how to be flexible. Flexibility isn't always a friend to someone that can be as controlling as I am but it did wonderful things for the amount of sleep I got after having twins. When I accepted what motherhood was teaching and allowed myself to be sandwiched in between two tiny infants I got the best sleep possible for a new mama of twins - even if I had a baby latched on my breast the entire night.

Chauncey
Another thing motherhood changed in me was my desire to give my kids the best start in life. I've always believed that food is medicine but I didn't consider how important it was to give the best food to babies too. Ive shared before that I do not come from a legacy of women who breastfed so I had no idea where to start and how to do it. I didn't even have a desire to breastfeed until I shortly before I became pregnant. It was as if my biology set off to make me a mother in my mind long before my children would come earth side. I consumed all there possibly was to know about breastfeeding and in that knowledge the determination to breastfeed no matter the challenges set in. I was sure that I would be breastfeeding the first year but I had no idea that at almost 2.5 years we'd still be nursing between 4-5 times a day. Although our nursing sessions look as glorious as they are I still war within my own mind to regain my individuality in the form of weaning. However after thinking about it long and hard I realized that this is one of those times that motherhood was calling me into flexibility. I've decided to sacrifice my wants for their needs and to let them nurse as long as they see fit. I've learned that there are so many benefits to breastfeeding toddlers and there is still tons of nutrition to be had as my milk supply has always been plentiful.



The scariest part of motherhood for me has no doubt been going against the grain in the form of being a non vaccinating mama. While this is something that I usually keep pretty private I do share it if people ask. I am not ashamed of my choices and together with my boy's doctors we have decided that this is the right path for our family. Originally when I was pregnant I set out to be on a delayed vaccination schedule just to make sure we were not overloading their systems with too many at one time. Eventually on a delayed schedule they would still be fully vaccinated. However throughout that pregnancy other factors presented themselves and again I was called into the flexibility of motherhood. The decision hasn't and never will be easy especially as stories both true and false about sicknesses emerge. I do all that I can to protect my babies daily and for the rest I lean on the almighty arms of Jesus. I know that some people reading this will probably scoff at our decision but please remember that you don't know all of our story and the great thing about motherhood is that we have a right to chose what is best for ONLY our children and no one else's. Each day I have a lot of challenges to deal with so it important for me to be confident in my decision and to stay in prayer for wisdom and guidance through this uncharted territory .

Oliver
I share all this because I wish someone had given me the key to motherhood long before I tried to conceive. I wish someone told me that the hardest part of motherhood would be my own expectations and not my child's clingy or independent nature. I wish someone told me that biologically we have all that we need to mother our child and that there isn't a single toy, device or person in the world that can meet a child's needs like their mama can. And lastly I wish it didn't take me so long to be so in tune with my inner spirit that quite miraculously already knew exactly what to do. So friends if you plan to embark on this journey of motherhood one day I'm giving you the key, Flexibility. It's a mindset and it needs to be put into action even before conception because as we all know sometimes babies are not even conceived in the way we expect them to be. Don't be afraid to make a birthing plan when you get pregnant but also don't be afraid to be flexible for any changes or challenges that might take your plan in a different direction. In being flexible you give yourself the grace to change your mind and learn new things. As you adapt and live in a state of flexibility you'll watch yourself evolve from the mother you want to be into the mother your child needs you to be and that is the only thing that counts.

I am definitely no where near where I envisioned myself as a mother but I love who I am becoming and how easy it is to adapt when you fully surrender. I look forward to seeing how much more motherhood changes me as my boys grow.


2 comments:

  1. Happy 3rd Mother's Day, Charity! I always enjoy your insightfulness and your transparency when it comes to your beliefs and lessons learned. It's very inspiring. Your boys are so precious too! If you don't mind me asking, I've been curious to know if you were able to maintain your vegan lifestyle while breastfeeding or if you had to incorporate other (food) items in your diet for your boys?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I read in writing service that mother's day is very special day. Although I'm not yet my mother, but I congratulate my mother

    ReplyDelete

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