Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her! Luke 1:45
To date that is one of my favorite scriptures. Sometimes I forget all about it when doubt clouds my mind and makes me second guess the goodness and the grace of God. When my husband and I were first trying to conceive I wasn't close to the Lord so this scripture didn't hold much weight in my life. I had no clue of what his promises were to me. All I wanted was for him to give me a baby so I could show all the other people how raising a child was "supposed" to look. My heart wasn't in the right place and it was black and blue from all the hurt that I had endured over the years.
Instead of giving me what I wanted God drew me in with love and christian sisterhood. He took me to a new church and brought me to a group of women that would water me with his word every week for four years before he sent me to live in a new state. He loved on me and helped to pluck out so much of the yucky stuff that I liked to keep hidden. Even with all the good it was still hard for me as I journeyed through the change.
My heart screamed louder and louder at me about wanting a child but I clung to God even more and asked him to take away that desire if it wasn't of him. I later found that it was in His will to give us a family but there was so much that had to be revealed in my heart, my marriage and my life before this child(ren) would come to fruition.
As I matured in my faith I learned that when my mind was filled with doubt there was no better time than to plant my feet deep in the word. No, it didn't fulfill my desires but it filled the space that cried out to me that I needed a child. It filled the space to tell me that with or without babies I was enough. As I begin to see myself in the eyes of the Lord the pain I felt from infertility eased up a bit. It didn't sting so much when I heard those pregnancy announcements because the Holy Spirit helped me to replace the doubts with belief.
I sat on the sidelines month after month watching babies be born or women announce that they were pregnant on each side of me. I held the hands of friends as they were told no over and over again by doctors when they hoped the answer would be yes. The journey was long and arduous. The journey was painful and lonely, but God showed up in a miraculous way just when I felt I couldn't wait any longer.
His word stood strong and saw me through several years of infertility and then it soothed my soul as I held my breath through 38 weeks of pregnancy. The Lord was faithful to me and blessed me even in the moments that I lent myself to doubt. If you trust him and believe I know he will do the same for you no matter what your situation.
There were disciples that were full of doubt while sitting at the feet of Jesus, so you and I are not alone. We have to push pass our doubt and have faith, even if its as small as a mustard seed.
If you'd like to learn more about the disciple that had doubt check out CNN's Finding Jesus: Faith Fact Forgery which airs March 5th at 9pm EST.
I have a $25 dollar gift card for LIFEWAY that I would like to give away to one reader that is interested in purchasing a new bible or devotional. Comment below and tell me about a time that the Lord helped you hold it together when you were full of doubt. Winner will be selected randomly, look for the announcement on my Instagram on Monday (be sure to follow me there).