Christmas Time is Here: A Giveaway

14 December 2016


Advent, the arrival of a notable person, thing or event. The birth of Jesus fits this description perfectly. 

I never heard of advent before I became an adult. It was never discussed when we picked our tree, opened presents, or when we sat down to eat that huge Christmas feast. Our Christmas season though memorable was devoid of a reason. As my relationship with Christ developed I learned that the season that looked to Santa to be the hero was actually all about the birth of a little baby who was born to save the world from it's sin. 

I can now see the Christ in Christmas as a time to reflect and reconnect to what is true. Christmas is about Christ, family, and the love of God. The birth of his Son Jesus was about producing a tangible love for his people that would save us all. A love that would be with us and give up itself for us on the cross no matter how ugly or sinful we were.
Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign. Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel. Isaiah 7:14
Immanuel means God with us.
The reality of that love has becoming deafening especially since I've become a mother. I could never imagine giving the life of either one of my children to save someone else. This type of love is breathtaking, especially knowing that the God of the universe has that type of love for me.

Faith is really important at this time of year because it is so easy to be swept away in the fantasy of Santa or the materialistic side of it that is consumed with gifts. Christmas time is a great way to bring families together on truth. I am super excited to share this wonderful time with my boys through songs about the anticipation Mary felt as she carried Jesus and all about his birth. I want to make sure they see Christmas as a time to look outside of what they want but towards what people around them need, just like Jesus did.

Advent is important because it prepares our mind and hearts to received and share the gift of salvation that was given to us. So with that said I'd like to share two DVDs with one lucky reader in a giveaway. I am giving away a copy of Greater and Hillsong- Let Hope Rise that release to DVD on December 20th. If you'd like to win these copies comment below on what Christmas means to you.



TWO!!

12 December 2016




TWO.


Two babies are now two years old. I cannot believe how quickly the time has flown. Not only did we survive it, we are thriving, learning, and living so well together. Some days are difficult but they are definitely overshadowed by the days that are exceptional.

We've now been breastfeeding for 2 years, and the babies are definitely showing signs of becoming more independent. Nursing is strictly on their terms even when I offer to them. Sometimes they happily ask to sit in my lap and other times they sprint off in the opposite direction while shouting "no". The later description is mostly Chauncey, Oliver usually comes running to me each time.

As of today the boys have many similarities but are vastly different. Chauncey is much more physical and loves to wrestle, be chased, and be social with big kids. He will walk right up to a bigger kid at the library and play as if he's known them forever, he's my little social butterfly. Oliver enjoys reading, being read to, and exploring nature. When we go on walks he likes to touch every blade of grass and bush we pass by while naming everything he sees. He's my little botanist. And together they enjoy cooking in their kitchen, sorting shapes, stacking, and pushing their pewis around. They love yogurt, Chipotle, plantains, vanilla milkshakes, all beans, and apple sauce = they are vegan. When we take walks they also enjoy seeing fire trucks, airplanes, and buses passing by. 

It is my hope that in the coming year they will continue to grow bigger and stronger while staying healthy. I hope I can set a pace for them to continue to learn what they enjoy, teach them about God, start our traveling adventures, and figure out a curriculum for our homeschooling journey. I'm also excited to see if God will bless my two miracles with a baby brother or sister in the future. Being their mommy is so amazing, I couldn't ask for better babies even with all of our challenges.

Happy Birthday to my miracles, Chauncey + Oliver!

Unlikely Champion

26 September 2016



I've told you all before that I am the daughter of a teen mother. Most often when I share this with people they are surprised. They look at me and somehow expect that I would have been less of a person because of this. They expect that my life would have turned out exactly the way my mom's did. My rebuttal is always the same, young mothers can raise good and successful children if they try.

Let me bring you back. My mom was born in the 60's. Her mother was hard working, her father was a retired navy boxer with a drug problem. She had a little brother with epilepsy who was largely her responsibility after school. Her childhood though challenging had tons of silver linings as my grandma worked hard to make sure they had exactly what they needed at all times. She also gave them a beautiful life of experiences even when their Dad wasn't around.

While navigating her early teen years my mom had fallen pregnant. She was 15 and that first baby was born a little over a month before her 16 birthday. A short time later she was pregnant again. This time at 17, I was born 2 months before her 18th birthday. So at 17 she was the mother of two. Beside all the finger wagging from her family members she also had to raise us alone because our fathers were not in the picture. 

Growing up all we knew was love. Unbeknownst to us our mother struggled to care for us. Life was hard but she never complained. She cared for us like it was the best job in the world, and she still does. 

All the odds were stacked against her being an African American teen mom and single mother of two. Resources were limited but she always found a way. She worked and was very present at school and home for us. I never felt a lack growing up and if I did I knew it wasn't because of my mother. She did all that she could do and more. In our teen years she pursued a college degree to become a teacher. She completed a bachelors degree and a few months later her masters. As of now she is working on her doctorate degree and married her sweetheart nearly five years ago. She raised both a son and a daughter (me) successfully. Neither of us have been to prison nor did we have children in our teen years like some people assumed we would.

No one expected that she would make so much of her life since she had my brother and I before she was legally an adult but she did. She's educated, a great mother, wife and a new grandmother - I hope she feels accomplished! She's the unlikely champion in our family and we are so very proud of her.

If you'd like to hear more about an unlikely champion check out QUEEN OF KATWE it releases in theaters nationwide on Friday, September 30. 

Lead me to the Cross

11 September 2016

Source
Have you ever had a song worship song that just speaks to your soul? One that so perfectly details the exact emotions you are experiencing at a particular point in your spiritual journey? I know I do. In fact, I have a few that will transport right back into a previous experience when I hear them.

One of my absolute favorite worship songs is called Lead me to the Cross by Hillsong. This song is very dear to my heart because I heard it when I was experiencing a really difficult time during my infertility journey. Our infertility journey ripped me down to my core and pulled me away from God. I felt as though I was being punished for something and I had no idea what it was. I spent so much time being angry, asking questions, and being filled with bitterness.

A few years into my journey I found a new church and I heard this song. It brought me to tears immediately. God called out to me with this song telling me I needed to be at his feet. With it He reminded me that this experience was an opportunity to see His heart and not a form of punishment. He told me to listen for his voice and that nothing else in this world matter except His glorious heart! With those words he nudged me back to home where I could find freedom from blame, shame, and guilt. The song also reminded me that we serve a God of love, not one who is eager to punish.

If you don't think you can get all that from a song. Read and listen to the lyrics for yourself.

"Lead Me To The Cross"

Savior I come
Quiet my soul remember
Redemption's hill
Where Your blood was spilled
For my ransom
Everything I once held dear
I count it all as loss

[Chorus:]
Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross

You were as I
Tempted and trialed
Human
The word became flesh
Bore my sin and death
Now you're risen

Everything I once held dear
I count it all as loss

[Chorus]

To your heart
To your heart
Lead me to your heart
Lead me to your heart

Hillsong's Let Hope Rise releases in theatres this Friday, September 16. I have the wonderful opportunity to giveaway two tickets and a soundtrack to one of my wonderful readers. Please watch this short clip where Taya Smith talks about the meaning of worship. Tell me here on on Instagram what your favorite Hillsong worship song is.





Overcomer (Giveaway)

25 August 2016


After watching the movie greater I've been thinking of how much of a challenge I also faced while in school. Most of you already know I'm the daughter of a teen mom. Many times people didn't take my mom seriously when she wanted to ask questions about our schooling. However when I was in the second grade I remember my new teacher telling my mom that I talked a lot and got in trouble for it. The teacher seemed to suggest that maybe there was an attention issue. My mom was assertive and told her she knew for a fact that I did not have an attention disorder and she told the teacher that she was almost certain that I was bored.

After much pushing and talking to different professionals at the district level my mom secured an appointment for me to get tested for the gifted programs. After several weeks we received the results that I was actually a gifted student.  The answer was here, I had poor conduct grades because I was bored and super chatty with the other kids. 

It took another year before I was able to enroll in the gifted program at school. My new teacher reviewed my individual learning plan and kept me plenty busy. My conduct grades rose and I stayed on the principle's honor roll for many years. Even though the struggle was mine, it was a battle for my mom too. Her persistence taught me that you always stand up for what you believe in and you never give up.

The challenges only got bigger as I headed to college many years later. My biggest hurdle for college was the same as Brandon Burlsworth's, money! Though I had received a scholarship it was really hard to pay for things when I decided to further my education at a private university. I found myself unable to come up with money for the books as soon as school started or the money to pay for the huge course load I was taking. 

At one point I was ready to give up on that degree. My advisors continued to push me through and to encourage me to continued. One day my advisor emailed me to come to meet with him in the morning. He talked to me about money and the goals that I set. He then steered me in the direction of a few scholarships that may help to cover what my loans didn't. I applied for tons of them and never was contacted. Just as I was about to give up my advisor said just do one more. That last application was the break I needed. I got the scholarship and it helped me to cover books and left over tuition cost.

Financial stress is one of the biggest ones a college student can face. Now that I have my own children I vow to make sure they can attend college without debt and without worry of how they will pay for it. I am also glad that chapter of my life has closed. If you are facing financial challenges or challenges with your children's schooling just know you can overcome it all. Be persistent and never give up, persistence pays - just look at Brandon Burlsworth.

Here's a chance for you to win. Tell me about a challenge that you or your child face in school. I will select one answer randomly to win a $25 dollar Walmart gift card. Winner will be announced in Mondays blog post.

GREATER is an inspirational movie based on the life of Brandon Burlsworth that reminds us that any dream is possible. GREATER releases in theaters this August 26. Click here to check for movie times near you.



Perseverance {GREATER MOVIE GIVEAWAY}

23 August 2016



The media often tells us that there is no hope for children who grow up without a father or come from a broken home. The move Greater, tells us another story. A story of preserverance, love, and faith in the life of Brandon Burlsworth.

This week I had the opportunity to view an early screening of the motion picture "Greater". It's an amazing movie that will win your heart from the start, I would give  it a 9 out of 10. In short this film tells the story of a young boy who overcomes various adversities to become one of the greatest football players the Arkansas Razorbacks have ever known. It is said that Brandon Burlsworth had no natural talent but the story reveals that his indefatigable effort to learn trumped talent every time. Brandon worked his way to the top in spite of the various challenges he faced at home. At his core he always put God and Family first, which I believe was the catalyst of why he succeeded at football. This story though tragic keeps an upbeat tempo as it chronicles Brandon's life. The actor Chris Severino does an accurate depiction of what many say Burlsworth was like - humble, respectable, and very cautious of indulging in alcohol, smoking or profanity.

There are many instances in Brandon's life that could have easily made him change course. I can really identify with the struggles he had in the relationship with his father. The depiction of that relationship alone is something that I think many movie goers will identify with. Alcoholism affects so many families and it is important for people, both young and old to know that they can overcome this issue.

I also throughly enjoyed the small details that were not left out when it came to how Brandon got along with his mother and brother. The film shares about Brandon's close relationship with his brother Marty who was 17 years his senior. Marty didn't like the idea that everyone thought he was Brandon's father but that never stopped him from acting as if he was. At the end of the film Martys emotions over the loss of his brother were at the forefront. My only concern in the depiction of Marty was the conversation he had with the strange man on the football field. I couldn't understand if he was his conscience, the devil's advocate, or a town nag. I would have liked a little more clarity on the purpose of this character. 

The movie also gets a thumbs up for an incredible sound track that included popular hymns. Some of which transported me back to the times that I attended youth services at my childhood church. I'm not much a sports fan so I worried that a story based solely on football could be boring. This was not the case for Greater, the acting was superb and just what the movie needed to make Brandon Burlsworth's story come alive again. Christ Severino did an amazing job in the portrayal of Burlsworth in the bar scene where he was so close to losing it after a bullying incident. The small town setting, town involvement in football, and the river baptism also helped to depict what life was actually like for Burlsworth.

The film has done a great job telling a story of perseverance while inspiring and motivating its audience. This movie is incredibly moving and a great reminder of how hard work can literally change your life. It's not a movie you'd want to miss.

I have 2 greater movie jerseys to give away. Enter below by leaving a comment to tell me about your favorite biopic. The winner will be chosen randomly and announce in my post on Monday.



6 Tips for Breastfeeding Twins

17 August 2016



On August 6th, my boys and I attended our second Big Latch On. It was a great day and I am happy to be continuing on in our breastfeeding journey. Last week I made a feeble attempt to break from social media. Although I did manage to keep from the constant communication I did pop in to share breastfeeding week pictures with some of my pals. I do plan to pop in again at the end of the month to celebrate black breastfeeding week as well. Breastfeeding means so much to me because I am the first woman to breastfeed in my family. A few have attempted but not one has done it full time and successfully. I am honored to pick up the torch for my family and to reteach the generations new and old that breastfeeding is necessary and can be done.

I take tremendous pride in the breastfeeding relationship I have established with my twins. When I was pregnant with them many did not think I would make enough milk to feed them without supplementing. We have done that now for 20 months and they thrived on my milk exclusively for 8.5 months. The beginning of my breastfeeding journey was filled with distrust for my breast. After I struggled to get my oldest twin to latch all those negative things I was told about breastfeeding came in like a flood. Thankfully God helped me by putting determination in my heart and I knew my boys would receive breastmilk by any means necessary. I pumped almost exclusively for 5 weeks. After getting so frustrated with pumping every 2 hours I contacted a lactation consultant who helped me to wean my babies from the bottle and to feed them from my breast at every feeding. This transition was so successful that both of my boys refused bottles when I was not with them. So much of my frozen breastmilk was donated for this reason.

Along the way I have learned so many things that could have made all the difference had I known them in advance. 

So here are 6 tips that I believed helped me to breastfeed my twins, successfully.

Seek Help - even if you have read all the books and attended all the classes let a Lactation Consultant help you to make sure your breastfeeding journey is off to a good start. In the mean time do not pump or use nipple shields without guidance, sometimes they can create an even bigger problem for mom and baby. If you are doing great in your journey and run into a rough patch later on know that you can call on a LC at any time, whether its 3 weeks, 3 months, or 3 years. My LC and I still remain in communication even after all this time. Beside the obvious skill of helping you to breastfeed your LC can also steer you in the direction of the support you need to continue breastfeeding if no one else is supporting you.

Get a Twin breastfeeding pillow  - let me be clear, Boppy pillows suck. They don't support the baby and they don't support the mama. The last thing you want is a slouchy mama and a slouchy baby. If you slouch, your back will hurt and if your baby is slouching, your nipples will hurt. A new baby is guaranteed to have a bad latch in a poor position. I personally recommend the breastfriend twin pillow over everything else in the market.

Breastfeed on Demand - multiple mamas thrive on schedule. Scheduled breastfeeding is not something I would recommend because it can negatively impact your supply. I do however believe that when one baby roots around you should offer the breast to the other as well. Breastfeeding both babies at the same time works twofold. When both breast are stimulated you produce more milk and when you breastfeed both babies together you can sync their feeding times. It worked out for me to offer the breast before the second baby was hungry so it didn't feel as if I was breastfeeding all day long.

Breast over bottle - As a twin mom I know how easy it is to feel overwhelmed especially where feeding is concerned. Many people will encourage you to pump so they can relieve you of your feeding duty by giving your babies a bottle. Pumping is in no way the easier route. When you pump someone else has to care for your baby, you have to clean the pump, and your pump can't empty you as well as your baby can. While I know the offer may be tempting the easier route would be to feed your babies from your breast. Afterward you can allow your helper to do diaper changing and hold the baby on a full tummy. At which time you can take a nap, shower, or eat a "hot" meal. Also many times moms put themselves through pumping just so their husbands can feed the baby. Don't buy into the hype, feeding is not the only way a Dad can bond with the baby. Once my boys were able to latch my husband rarely fed them because it was more work on me. He bonded with the babies by bathing them, changing their diapers, holding them on his chest, and dancing gently with them before rocking them to sleep.

Eat Well - in the 20 months that I have been breastfeeding I have found keeping up with my nutrition to be the hardest. I wish that I knew what a challenge it would have been so I could have planned ahead. If anyone offers to do anything to help you make sure it includes food. My hunger and thirst were out of control in the beginning of my journey and I still get super hungry and thirsty now. Make sure you stay hydrated and snack as much as you can to keep up supply.

Pump - I know I stressed feeding your babies from your breast in tip number four but lets face it sometimes you just need to pump. Often times multiples are born prematurely and if that happens to be the case for your babies breastmilk is the best thing you can offer to them - so pump like their life depends on it because most of the time it does. You may also need to pump because your baby has latching issues that may be caused by prematurity, tongue tie, or extreme fatigued after birth. If your baby is in the NICU have a LC show you the right way to pump. Then proceed to pump as much as you can and do skin to skin with your baby when allowed, this will also help your supply. If you are a working mom and you need to pump at work pump around the same times that the care giver will be giving your baby your expressed breastmilk. Keeping on this schedule will help you to provide the milk your baby needs while you are away.

So there you have it, 6 tips for breastfeeding twins. I would be happy to answer any questions you may have about breastfeeding in general. Feel free to email me anytime.

Pssst....

01 August 2016


Hey Friend,

Thanks for checking in on me I am currently on a social media B R E A K. It's been some time since I quieted my mind without social media competing for my attention. And while I know it's not necessarily a bad thing to be in constant contact with people I care about I also know I need more time to focus on spiritual growth. 

There has been so much negativity on Facebook, Instagram, and other media platforms surround the election, recent police and civilian killings. It's enough to make me cringe each time I see a post about. I also found myself falling into despair. I'm raising black sons now, and I have a black husband. All of whom I love dearly and my husband of 11 years is of great moral character. I find myself worrying about him as he leaves for work and I know God doesn't want me to be anxious but to trust him to care for the people he's placed in my life. Ive been looking to government officials for answer and solutions - they never have any! My answer, hope, guide and place of solace is Jesus. Feel free to join me at his feet.

So while I don't know how long I will be gone my first goal is one month starting today August 1st. 

I will continue to blog so you can click back to my home page to check for updates.

The Winner Is

01 August 2016

We have a winner, Caroline. I will be in contact to send you your prize. 


Thanks to all of those who entered. I love hearing about the people that inspire you most.

One of a kind. (GIVEAWAY)

25 July 2016


It's been a year since we sold our home and rented a condo. Our plans were to be unattached should a transfer to a more desirable location come our way. 

We found a quaint but tiny condo and quickly moved into the second unit on the bottom floor of a tropical community. For the most part it was quiet and our move had gone unnoticed. However a few nights after living in our new place we put our 7 month old twins to bed, shortly after someone knocked on the door. I started to get upset that someone was knocking on our door this late, mainly because the boys bedroom window was right next to the front door. I was afraid that they would be awaken and I wouldn't get that shower I desperately needed. Thankfully my husband was home that night and he ran to the door to answer it.

There was a slightly round guy there. He introduced himself as Nicholas. He told us that he realized we moved in but it was always too late to come by but he figured it was now or never. He came with a cooler full of fish as a welcome to the neighborhood. I felt horrible after we closed the door, as I hadn't expected such kindness. Nicholas continued to bring us freshly caught him fish and vegetables each week until our freezer was too full. 

In the mornings I often walked the babies and would catch him before he went to work. We chatted a bit and he told me stories that always made me laugh. He was quite the character. During one of the stories he told me he could let anything in life stress him because he had a bad heart. Each day we chatted a bit and had laughs. He was by far the most interesting and funny neighbor I've ever had. 

On July 2, the day of our wedding anniversary my husband and I went to celebrate while my mom and her husband stayed with our babies. When we got back home my mom hit me with the news that Nicolas had been rushed off to the hospital while we were away. His wife has never really talked to us in the time that we live here so when I knocked on the door she never answered and she always avoided me any time she could. I finally had the chance to see her a few days later and she told me he was okay. I was glad to hear he was fine.

This week I saw his car had come back home and was excited to talk to him in the morning. Upon taking out the trash I ran into his wife who told me Nicholas had died and they already had his funeral. I was devastated and it really seems like a dream. Each time I open my freezer I look at all the fish he had given to us. I also feel sorry for the stray cat that he fed every day. It's amazing how in one year he made an impact on my life. His friendship challenged me to be more outgoing, carefree, and friendly. I'm really going to miss seeing him each morning and I wish I had taken more time to show him how much I cared. Nicolas has inspired me, I hope that his friendly upbeat personality can live on through me each and every day.

In memory of my sweet friend Nicholas I am giving away a $25 dollar target gift card. Comment below and tell me about someone who inspires you to live more authentically. Winner will be randomly selected and announced on Friday. 

If you are interested in hearing more about people who defy the odds of life and inspire Check out Season 2 of BORN THIS WAY which premieres Tuesday, July 26 on A&E Network


Freedom

04 July 2016



On this Fourth of July only my body is free, every other part of me feels lost. There aren't enough hours in the day, I don't have enough time to complete task, communicated with friends, eat right, sleep, cook, clean - anything. I have been wrecking my brain to try and figure out why I've been feeling so overwhelmed and so lost. 

The answer?

I am further away from God our father than I have been many years. I feel as if I am in a tailspin, I am moody and often times I cannot think clearly. I am controlled by my to do list and alarms that I have set to keep my life on check. In the same token my spirit is off track and starving - for the bread of life. I know what needs to be done, yet I haven't pulled myself away to do it.

I honestly don't feel like I am living at all outside of moments with my sons. After they go to bed or naps I operate on autopilot. Eat, Drink, Watch television, check social media, text and work shopping list and to do list. I know my source and I know what sustains me yet I continue to live in this life that suffocates my soul.

I've set a goal, I am going to take some time away to reconnect to find myself and to search for that beautiful freedom that I once possessed. At the close of this week I am going to disconnect from media so that I can run into the bosom of the one who longs to love me and fill me, the one who promises me rest, just like I give to my boys. I want to be whole for myself, my husband and my boys. Ive always known that the best thing for them to witness is my relationship with God. I know for a fact that children learn by example.

Please pray for me, that the time would be beautiful, fruitful, and plentiful. Above all please pray that I might once again possess a Mary heart, in this Martha world.

38 As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. 39 Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. 40 But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.”41 But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! 42 There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”

I Broke My Baby....

24 June 2016

The day started off great, nursies, breakfast, and a little playtime. The boys turned 18 months and we were excited to celebrate. This was our first time going to a children's museum and I was sure that they would love it. The museum was position perfectly by the ocean so we could also watch the sea planes take off. I knew they were going to loose it seeing those planes landing in the water, it was going to be a good day. 

We parked and paid to enter, pushing the boys in their wagon. Anytime we venture out with our boys we have joy in our hearts and smiles on our faces. It's so nice to have people adore them like we do. The boys we also excited, they squealed all the way into the museum.

As they explored they smiled and ran gleefully around and touched different things. 45 minutes into touring the museum Oliver watched all the children come down this giant slide. His eyes were big and he smiled hard. I asked if he wanted to go and he reached up for me.

Slides were our thing. We loved riding them together wherever we went. As we sat in the slide I could feel him jumping on my lap in excitement. I pushed off and then we slowed down. I looked to see that his shoe was stuck, I pulled it down and continued to slide. We made it to the bottom and his laughs turned into soft cries. When I removed him from my lap to stand he hobbled on one leg and then cried louder. 

I told my husband what happened and he insisted that it was just a pulled muscle. I nursed him a bit to calm him down and it worked but when I tried to put him down again he cried and limped. At that point I knew he was hurt so we went straight to the hospital. Just like that our fun was over.

I told the doctors what happened and apparently this break was common and it happens to many children. I was devastated, I couldn't believe my child had a broken bone. He also needed a cast. It felt so surreal and I was so upset that he was feeling pain. They said he would heal quickly 3-6 weeks but nothing will ever fix my broken heart and the trauma that comes from hurting your child. Oliver will slide again but I don't know that we will do it together.

It's been nearly two weeks now, we have been told that he can have his cast removed in another week. Oh what a joy to hear that as its been a completely miserable time for all of us. The one perk to having a baby in a cast is a lot more snuggles. 

I absolutely can not wait until he's whole and healed again. Come on July!

What Dreams Are Made Of

01 June 2016


Life has been quite a whirlwind, months have flown by like hours in a day. In just a weeks time my boys will be 6 months closer to turning two. While I am so blessed to be with them every moment of each day I can't seem to hold on to these moments. Life is very much a series of  fleeting moment, old memories fade as we make new ones. When they become grown men I worry I won't be able to remember much of this time and honestly I am doing a horrible job of documenting through words what we experience day to day.

So on today I spent time organizing their photos and completing some pages that were long overdue in their baby books. As I look back at pictures of those tiny fragile newborns I can hardly recognize them in my strong spirited boys. I remember praying for them and this chance to be a mother. God granted my prayers and now I pray to savor each moment that I have with these precious baby boys. They make my heart swell and I've never known a love like this before - so intense, so passionate, so enduring. I'm so grateful for Chauncey and Oliver, they are absolutely my dream come true. 

Just A Season

05 March 2016


So I've been in a rut for some time now. While I am positive that I have found my groove as a mom to two, I am still struggling to keep up with myself. I haven't done any of the things that I love lately. I don't bake, cook(creatively), clean, write or dress up like I used to. It been so hard to look at other moms who can get these things accomplished without feeling inadequate. I KNOW that I am more than enough, I am just sharing all the emotions that surface on a daily basis as I care for my boys. 

Many nights when my friends are hanging out and my husband is working late I put the boys to bed and then turn in for the night myself. I feel like my social life is suffering but its only right that I recover from a very long day of toddler wrangling. Often times I feel like my friends see this as an excuse but I remind myself that they don't have twins so they can't fully understand what its like. Chauncey and Oliver are no doubt my pride and joy and the center of my life. They make my heart so full. I just wish the world would stop shouting at mothers that we should do more, be more. I pour every bit of the good in me into my boys daily. I try and love them with the love of the Father. 

I am slowly realizing that their won't be room for everything on my agenda and that's okay. My boys and I are still very much one, we do everything together. They are nearly 15 months old and we are still nursing, cloth diapering, cuddling, learning and spend most of our time adventuring together. I know that if I didn't do half of these things with them I could have more free time to do the things I enjoy, but I could never give up these moments and not feel guilty. I am savoring every single detail of this life as we know it, after all its just a season. A tiring season, a loving season, a rewarding season, and a season that I am not sure I will ever get to experience again.

So while to others it may seem that I could do more or that I am not fully committed or accountable, I know that I am right where I am supposed to be. I will continued to remind myself of that until it really sinks in. We are making memories and enjoying the gift of life from the greatest Giver. In time these boys won't be so little anymore and I will have ample time for me because again its just a season.
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