30 December 2015

I should be resting now, while my children dream of milk, toys, and kisses from mommy. Instead I'm struggling to sleep, I guess this is how it happens to the babies. Being overtired only makes you more awake but less productive?

I'm up thinking about where my faith has lead me in the past two years. God walked me down the path of infertility for 8 years and then down the path of IVF, pregnancy, and now parenthood. As I was chatting with two good friends tonight I shared my heart with them about being given the chance to carry life once more - I'd do it a thousand more times. I don't know what God has in store for my future but before going to bed tonight I asked him help me to remain content and satisfied with my portion.

My twin boys are by far my biggest blessing aside from my Savior. Often times when we make our desires known the tone can be one of entitlement. I never want to come off as that person. I don't deserve to have children more than any other person no matter what I previously thought. Children are a gift from God, even though some people don't realize that. Each day I am with my boys I feel thankful that I didn't miss the chance to be a mother and I want that for all my friends who are waiting on the sidelines.

I want them to experience this beautiful chaos and extreme love. I want more babies but if I had to sacrifice carrying life again for a childless friend to become a mother I'd agree to it in a heartbeat. I know God doesn't work that way, but I have faith that someday soon all the people I care for will have children of their own to love and cherish. I also remain faithful that God's will shall prevail in my life too. He will either lead me to pregnancy again or lead me to know that my family is complete. Until then, a girl can dream.

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