Work.

08 May 2015


All of a sudden everything about our whimsical boy meets girl romance seems hard. A single conversation, cuddle session, or movie night seems like a real impossibility. Our twosome is now a foursome, seemingly overnight. We are both still learning how to adapt to our new roles of Mommy + Daddy without abandoning our roles of Husband + Wife.

I just finished mulling over an article a fellow twin mama sent me. It talked about how parents of multiples experienced divorce, financial pain, and child abuse at a higher rate. The word DIVORCE stood out to me as I pondered how such a beautiful experience could lead to such an ugly demise. Child abuse is also horrendous but that's not on my radar.

My husband and I are never getting a divorce, but I can see how it could happen. Having twins has been the greatest experience in our lives but it's quite the challenge as it comes with both joys and stressors. Today I found myself craving alone time when my husband and I had nearly two hours to ourselves . I felt like I needed to decompress and at the same time the Holy Spirit whispered to me to hang out with him. Instead I hurried towards the door insistent on a little me time at Starbucks. We could have watched a movie, taken a walk, or just spent time chatting with one another but I put my needs first. While I understand that sometimes that might be necessary it wasn't today.

Everything just seems harder now after five months of accidentally neglecting our marriage. I was tired, I'm in pain, the babies need me, are all the ways of putting ourselves before our most precious possession, our marriage. We both know we are overdue for a date night and we've discussed the logistics of planning one but we still haven't taken the plung. Reading that article tonight makes me wonder how many of these couples unintentionally neglected their relationships, and how many actually planned and went through with date nights? I don't want to be one of those couples. We've survived and thrived through so many different things that have come our way. In just two short months we will celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary and I want it to be meaningful and magical. I still remember all the reasons why we got married and all the reasons why my husband and I are best friends. We just need a reconnection. One of my dear friends talked about being intentional in the relationship and that's exactly the key. The same way I am intentional about getting out of the house for myself I need to do the same for my marriage.

My husband has persued dates with me for a few weeks now. I've set things up to have the babes taken care of, so here is to hoping I can report back about having a wonderful date this weekend. Please pray it works out for us!

3 comments:

  1. I have seen so many marriages struggle once ONE baby comes along, much less two. Its hard work. Priorities shift... but that's it, shifting them. Not letting them go. Hang in there. It will get better. You both just have to be committed to working through the hardships & remembering how important you both are to each other. You are better parents when you do put your marriage first. Hugs to you both.

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  2. Oh sweet girl!!! I feel you!!! Nate's and my marriage has been the most difficult it's ever been since Caleb was born and I can't imagine that multiplied by two! What has helped us is just communication, communication, communication and remembering that this is a season. We won't have babies forever! :-)

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  3. I echo what Susannah said. It has definitely been the hardest year of our 8 year relationship with a newborn in tow. I think the best thing is acknowledging that there is something that needs to be addressed and being intentional about the time that you do spend together.

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