23 Weeks: Surrender!

27 August 2014


Since our 21 week drama it's been pretty quiet on the twin front. I can only thank God for that. Even in this requested quietness I am battling my mind for peace. My mind constantly ping pongs with yes my babies are alive and then no they aren't. Almost daily I am rebuking fear, doubt and unbelief. I know that the enemy has set out to steal the joy and the happiness these two littles have brought into my life. He's done just about anything he could think of to try and turn me against God, myself, and others - it didn't work!

God has seemed unusually quiet since we came back to Florida. It wasn't Him, it's just a new season and I am learning a whole new level of trust. Not only am I learning to trust God and surrender my life but I'm now having to learn to trust Him with the lives of my babies. This journey to surrender is deeper than I could have imagined. Next year I'll choose an easier word. Ha!

Since our 16 week scan we've had a rough go at it and a lot of confusion with our perinatologist. One night after much frustration and tears God woke me and told me to tell the doctors what I wanted from them. His voice reasoned that their response to my demands would give me my answer on whether to stay or go. I called them and explained that I wanted the records for the babies switched to accurately reflect who is affected by this condition. I also told them I didn't want any more blood testing, no amino, and no more discussions about termination or selective reduction. I was met with opposition so my answer was clear. It was time for me to move on to a new doctor,  so I did. My new doctor's spirit has reassured me that my prayers for my medical professionals has been heard. God is opening all kinds of doors and placing believers in my path. 

This pregnancy is a faith walk for me. The miracles are similar to that of my IVF journey but somehow I feel a little unsteady in my faith shoes this time around. I know I'm in the midst of a spiritual war because I'm so close to my dreams. The enemy has worked hard to confuse me about the health of my children, managed to make me doubt my abilities to carry this pregnancy, and of all things a battle with doctors for the lives of my sweet babies. God always had the final say and my doctors words were a confirmation as if they had come from the mouth of God himself. She told me "Nothing has changed with what we see on the ultrasounds, but people walk around daily with or without that part of their brains. You and I could be missing ours and we'd never know it! Ultrasound scans are more thorough now and people freak out about the slightest anomaly. The kids look fantastic."

My babies are very healthy we even had a consult with a cardiologist to make sure their hearts were perfect. Everything checked out fine. Our next step is a MRI just to confirm what is not seen on ultrasounds but my doctor says this is just precaution and no reason to worry. So we will do that in about 1-2 weeks.

This journey is not what I expected. Even in spite of a potential diagnosis I am once again enjoying my pregnancy. I pray for these babes every single day, and I am still believing in healing for them. I am grateful for a doctor who says people don't know everything. Again she confirms the fact that God didn't make us all knowing or all seeing.

I still covet your prayers for my pregnancy to be full term and for my babe to be completely healed. There is nothing I can do beyond this point except love and fight for them while surrendering to God.

15 comments:

  1. Charity I am so glad that God led you to your new doctor. I continue to pray for you and those sweet babies, friend! xo

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  2. Your faith is so inspiring. Praying with you for your sweet babies and knowing God has the perfect plan for your pregnancy and their lives!

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  3. Wow! Love how God led you to a new doctor!!! Believing both babies are healthy and declaring that over them!!! So glad you are rebuking the enemy. I think what you said hits the target! Our faith walk during infertility just preps us to be stronger during pregnancy, and then when we are moms!! We will need him then more then ever!! xoxo Love you girl

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  4. I am so continuing praying for you & your sweet babies.
    I'm so thankful you heeded God's calling to switch doctors. You already are seeing him work in this pregnancy... Praying for His mighty hand to keep working ... I'm loving the updates & seeing how amazing this journey is. You are such an fantastic momma!!!

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  5. Your spirit is amazing. You are winning this battle, love. Keep up the food fight. Always praying for your babies! xoox

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  6. Charity, you inspire me with your faith! Continuing to pray for you and your beautiful babies. XO

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  7. So glad you have found a new doctor who shares the same beliefs as you! Praying for you and your babies and I have faith that everything will be perfect! xo

    waitingforbabybird.com

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  8. I hear you when you talk about the enemy of our souls whispering lies trying to throw us off, but GOD ALWAYS WINS OUT! I've had struggles too with this baby in my thinking but God always comes through with His word. I'm so glad to be on this journey with you, reading your journey and being on a similar journey carrying my baby girl. Our babies are gifts from the Lord!

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  9. This is wonderful Charity and I love that your issues with your doctor worked out and look how amazing God is - leading you all like that! So lovely! Praying for you and your babies most definitely - you are always in Dan and my prayers. Lots of love xx

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  10. So good to hear your update, friend! I've been praying and thinking about you daily! Please let me know if there is anything I can do to brighten up your day!

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  11. Your faith is so inspiring!! I am definitely praying for you my friend, and I am so proud of your unswerving faith. I feel like in pregnancy it is SO easy to be caught up in our own thoughts and worries... but God is bigger than all of those--and I personally, need that constant reminder. :)

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  12. Charity, I have so much to say that I don't know where to begin. I'm going to have to email you for sure. But I will say this. The whole situation has always been in God's hands. Before you were ever created, He knew this path that you would be on. Through every step, every turn, even potential situation that could or could not arise, God is there. He knows that you are but flesh and wants you to trust in Him for every single step of this journey. Just the other week, I embarked on a different journey from the one you're on, but new to me. An academic one. I was reminded that although it may seem that my abilities would take me far in my academic pursuits, it's actually my belief that will take me far in my spiritual ones. It's not about knowing all the twists and turns and crossing every t and dotting every i, but it's about how much I can surrender myself to God and believe on His name and allow Him to truly do the work. He's carrying you right now. Just know that. :-)

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  13. I'm so inspired by your boldness and your obedience to do what God told you. Praying for a full-term, safe delivery and healthy babies.

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  14. Love that you are keeping the faith Charity. Glad to hear an update from you. Only good news from here on out!

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  15. Hi Charity! I have been following your blog for awhile now and wanted to let you know how beautiful and inspiring this post is. I admire your faith and grace in this situation, you are such a Christ like example! I am pregnant, a few weeks behind you, and just found out we are at high risk for down syndrome. We have further tests next week which will hopefully provide more answers but the wait is very hard. I feel as if the enemy is after us too and I have resolved not to let this news steal my joy. I wish you and your twins all the best in your pregnancy. May God bless you and keep you.

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