I Heard What You Said....

12 May 2014

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Yesterday was Mother's Day. I hope all of you had the times of your lives. I hope you were able to celebrate with the special women in your lives or that you were able to celebrate being a mother too. Whether for biological children, adopted children, spiritual children, or just for nurturing children you love.

Mother's Day started to become difficult for me a few years ago as I celebrated with empty arms. I tried to continue trusting God and holding on to the fact that I still had a mother who deserved to be celebrated but it was so hard. I tried to be joyful even in the midst of hurt but the words of strangers and sometimes family would cut me to the core. They didn't understand my struggle and they weren't privy to it. I kept my hurt close to my heart. Last year's Mother's Day was the easiest I experienced  by far, I was in NY away from my family. I had no reason to get up and celebrate - I didn't even attend church. I stayed home and busied myself away until the day was over.

This year I felt the same way, apparently pregnancy is not the magical key to start loving a holiday in which you spent a lot of time despising. I continued to lay down in bed long after my alarm went off. I just wanted to stay right here, in my bed. But then there was that tugging again, the kind that the Holy Spirit does when he's reminding you of your promise to be radically obedient. As I sat up in bed my hubby came into the room with my breakfast. I told him that I wanted to go to church, so after eating we did.

Before we made it into the church my empty arms were made apparent again as I watched Moms bundle up their little ones and usher them into the church. I decided right there that this wasn't going to stop me. The devil is a liar, and though my arms were empty that day they wouldn't always be. The life inside my womb speaks against his ignorance. I walked into the church spoke to the greeters and made my way into the worship center.

I sat down and immediately saw all the flowers that were placed on the stage. There they were lined up and ready for the moms to receive. I asked God to help me shift my focus on worshipping him and not on my own emotions. We had the most beautiful worship and praise session that I have ever experienced at this church, it was a huge blessing. We were then blessed by a word from my Pastor's wife, she is a woman that is strong in her silence and her message was to all women. I was so grateful that I had been prompted to be present in church on that day. After she finished her message it was time for the roses, my Pastor told all the women in church to come up and get a rose. He said that we all were mother's in the church and that our nurturing presence was needed.

My husband told me to go forward to get a rose and as I stood I heard another woman's husband prompting her to do the same behind me. She said "I'm not a mother I lost my baby." Her comment surprised me and then I wasn't sure if this is what I had heard. Suddenly she stormed out of the worship center and I realized that it was indeed. I became overwhelmed with emotion and I didn't understand what was happening to me. I felt such grief and sorrow for her. As I went up to get the rose and made my way back to my seat I continued to look for her. She was gone but her husband continued to sit in his seat with a somber look on his face.

When service was dismissed I saw him make a beeline out, no doubt to find his wife. I beelined right behind him, my husband had no idea what was going on. I quickly tried to explain but surely he thought I was nuts as I wasn't even sure how sane I was in the moment. When we made it to the church cafe I saw her sitting alone in a chair and her husband was making his way over to her. I walked up to her, I had no idea how I would be received or if I was right. I was trying to rationalize this whole experience - the holy spirit gave me no time. I couldn't find any other words except "I heard what you said. I want to give you my rose, you are a mother!" Just briefly I told her I'd been struggling with infertility for years and was finally pregnant through IVF. I told her I knew how much it hurt. She stood there in front of me blank faced. I was immediately rethinking this radical obedience. Suddenly she grabbed the rose from me and when I looked up at her face she was completely red and tears were flowing down her cheeks. I extended my arms out to hug her and it was the longest hug I have ever experienced in my life. In the hug there was gratitude, solidarity, prayer, the hope of healing and evidence of God's goodness and faithfulness.

I was so glad to have obeyed the Lord, my presence in church had little to do with me. It was all about God letting his hurting child know that she was not forgotten, that he was there with her, and that he heard what she said.

To all my sisters struggling, sometimes in the midst of the struggle it can seem like no one hears. That God ignores our prayers, our hurt, our longing - but I am hear to tell you He's heard what you said!


23 comments:

  1. At that moment, you were a mother to Her, comforting, loving, warm, even a little scared.

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  2. Oh Charity! This post brought tears to my eyes. That small gesture probably meant so much to her...I'm so glad you reached out.

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  3. Such a lovely post! Charity you are such a beautiful person!

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  4. Wow Charity, your perspective is really beautiful and honest...when we were at church on Sunday and there was a blessing for all Mom's, a little piece of my heart was sad for the women present who have lost their babies or are unable to have children. thanks for sharing...hope you're feeling well!

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  5. And now we're all sobbing. Mother's Day is hard. And I'm not gonna lie... it's still hard for me. There's just so much going on that I'm now aware of, after infertility and adoptions, that it really is bittersweet. And I don't really want to ever let it not be bittersweet. I don't want to forget. I'm not moping and living in the past, I just want to always remember to look around at the others... like you so awesomely and lovingly did!

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  6. Thank you so much for sharing Charity!! I really needed this today.

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  7. Oh dang... I've got tears.
    Good for you for listening to the prompting to reach out to this woman.
    I've lost babies in miscarriages... I have the aching heart of a mother who lost a child... people don't recognize that... I want to hug you for reacting to this woman... I'm sure it made her day to know someone cared & saw who she was.

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  8. OK, this is literally THE BEST BLOG POST I have ever read from you or from anyone else IN MY LIFE! I love everything about this. I'm so glad you had the courage to chase after her and open your heart and your arms to her. You are amazing. God brought you both together yesterday no doubt. I am sobbing like a baby right now. Just so powerful!

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  9. This is beautiful, Charity. I am so thankful for you and your heart. God is certainly using you for His Kingdom and using your infertility journey to help and encourage others as well as you!

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  10. I have chills all over. Charity - wow - Oh how the Holy Spirit works - I love that he prompted you to go to church AND you obeyed!! I love how the Lord blesses our obedience and because of that not only were you blessed with a hug, but this girl was of course blessed too. I still have chills, btw!!! Thanks for sharing this beautiful story and being obedient to chasing after her!!! xoxo

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  11. Your story gave me goosebumps. Thanks for sharing and for reaching out!

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  12. What a touching story and amazing woman you are! Happy Mother's day to you and that sweet lady. We are all mother's at heart.

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  13. Wow - this made me cry! (At work, nonetheless) You are a special woman and I'm sure you touched the woman in an amazing way!

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  14. This made me cry! It's a beautiful thing when you can see how God placed people in the right place at the right time for the perfect reason, it's humbling to think that that person could be you.

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  15. Wow, Charity! That's all I can say right now. Wow! :-)

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  16. Oh girl I am so glad you went to church! God works through people and He needed you to bring comfort to her wounded soul. I'm so thankful you obeyed! Hugs girl!! xo

    waitingforbabybird.com

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  17. there is a wonderful plan in every day - this was yours. To bring hope and compassion to that lady. Lovely Charity!!!

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  18. Crying now. I'm sure that meant so much to her, Charity!!

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  19. Reading this post made me cry, because man do I know the feeling that girl was going through. You are such a wonderful person Charity! I am so thankful for your obedience and following the Holy Spirit.

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  20. It's amazing that God used you to bless this lady. I love hearing stories like this. :)

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  21. I love how the Holy Spirit prompts us to do the craziest things... which end up blessing us and others in the craziest ways. So glad you followed His leading.

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