Unfair Favor.

17 February 2014

When I chose my word for the year. I never imagined the journey that I would be on right now. In just two short months I have realized how much this word is going to mean to my life. I have had to surrender to more than I counted on surrendering to.

Recently I finished a study on Gideon, I mentioned before that he is known as the leader of the army that God shaved down from 32,000 to 300. God took things away from Gideon so that he could replace them with victory - and to make sure no one else received the credit. My story and journey towards IVF is starting to look a lot like Gideon's battle. Over the years I believe that I needed money and the perfect weight to make IVF a success. I worried about finances, I worried about hormones, I worried about finding a good doctor all the while God was waiting on me to SURRENDER my worries to him. He wanted me to include him in the process, to trust that he could bring me through, to believe that he was more than capable of making it all possible. In process he stripped me of all the things that I thought I needed. He wanted to show me that in order to achieve victory I didn't need money, the perfect weight, the right hormones or the right doctor all I needed was HIM.


As I waited longer and longer - days, weeks, months and years, I became discouraged. Not discouraged to where I didn't believe in God but I believed that because he hadn't answered in the time that I was expecting that he didn't want me to have what I was asking for. I moved on to other things, shifted my focus - surely that's what God wanted me to do?! He wanted me to throw myself into books, small groups, healthy eating and losing weight - anything to distract me from the real issue at hand. NOT!! God didn't want me distracted from my problem or focused on it, he wanted me to focus on him. I finally got it! God wants me to look to him to fulfill me, my desires, my wants. and my needs. He wanted me to forget all the things that man had told me about my life, and to believe that he is the only one who knows for sure where I am going and where I have been.

After praying for so long and asking God to speak to me he has. When I sat down and listened he has had so much to say. He has show me tremendous favor and even though it goes again the natural that I was expecting I realize now that the power of God is not limited to the natural, he can also work in the unnatural. Just like he worked in Sarah and Abraham's unnatural pregnancy he can work it out for me. God is preparing me to received the gift he has waiting for me outside of the natural order of things. This journey towards IVF has left me feeling conflicted. I am both grateful, concerned, excited, and scared to move forward on this journey. I have surrendered to the idea that it's not what I can do but what God can do.

God has removed all the things that I could have possibly given credit to for our IVF journey. We didn't have the money, I wasn't at my perfect weight, I didn't retest my hormones, and I hadn't looked for a doctor. One morning I got up and made the call to the doctor's office he had place on my heart, and in 5 days I will be starting medication for my first IVF cycle. The money appeared, my hormones are perfect, my weight is not an issue and my doctor is fabulous. I can't give credit to anyone but God for this miracle that is going to produce my victory.

All the events that led me to this point confirm that no one but God could have put us here. God has made me wait because he was preparing something special for me. He's shown me over and over again that he's a promise keeper, he has turned what looks unfair into favor - even when I had doubt.

The time is near and I am holding his hand to move closer to our destiny. I am surrendering.

P.S. I will not be updating about our IVF journey via post often but if you want to keep up with where we are in treatment. Click on the Project Baby FixIt button on the right. Your prayers and support are much appreciated.

Your Turn: Did you choose a word for the year? How is that word manifesting in your life?

13 comments:

  1. Yes God is always interested in ALL the glory for our story! I know that no matter what happens, how it happens, or when it happens, you will be praising Him and giving Him glory for everything! You are such an inspiration! xoxo

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  2. Love that you went into this looking for the perfect conditions in your relationship with Him rather than focusing solely on all the other factors. I will definitely be following your IVF journey and routing you on.

    As for the word, I chose "acceptance." The need for acceptance is intertwined into every. single. thing. we do really. Let's just say I've realized how much work I really needed in this area, and choosing a word to focus on was needed. Thanks for sharing this idea in January, because I give you the credit for a fresh new way to think about things on a daily basis. I love the idea of applying one word to our lives instead of setting a resolution. Have a feeling I'll be working on this one all year and into the next. Ha!

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  3. LOVE the story of Gideon!!! It gave me so much hope when I read it!!! I love that He makes something out of nothing and it's so encouraging to read what He has done for you. So sweet that He perfectly aligned everything to His timing and His ways. Just love this update ;) Can't wait to celebrate your pregnancies!!!

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  4. that is so awesome! sometimes it's so hard to surrender everything to Him, yet when we do there is a peace that follows! praying for you on this journey!!

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  5. This is so wonderful! I am so excited for you!

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  6. Apparently I just needed to hear this for my own struggles. Thanks for continued encouragement through your posts, and I am praying all the best on your journey. :-)

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  7. Love this girl!! Definitely praying for you guys on this journey! So exciting. :)

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  8. Thanks for sharing this story sis! I didn't think of choosing a word for the year, but patience may have to be my word since it's something I need to work on. You and your hubby are definitely in my thoughts and prayers. You have been working on this for awhile now, but it was really God working on you, so God bless on this journey!!

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  9. What an exciting time for you! I completely agree about surrendering. In the past several weeks, I have been working hard to open my hands and heart to what God has for me, what His purposes are, without trying to insert my own ideas. It is so hard, but He does speak to us when we are ready to listen.

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  10. After I read your post, I had to choose a word for this year too! :) I chose courage

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    Replies
    1. And oh I forgot...

      I would be honored if your would take part in my Blog Challenge here: http://iammrsk.blogspot.fi/p/a-blog-challenge.html

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  11. I still can't believe this is actually happening. So many prayers going out to you and Mr.Fixit!

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