Faithful Friday: Wholly Surrendered

28 February 2014

I've often asked God why me! On so many occasions I've felt as though things were not just out control - but out of my control! I'm a type A personality bathed in OCD. The real kind, the kind where you don't know if you turned off the stove and drive all the way back home twice to check. The kind where you vacuum just to see carpet lines. The kind where you yearn for control and constantly think about being in control, even if it’s only control over the remote.

Many things in my life were out of my control. My lack of a father, finances, and then the big one - infertility. Out of these issues spawned a control monster - tyrannical Charity, who was going to make sure that everything and everyone stayed in line. I did it for a very long time and it wore me out. I was hitting my head against the wall wondering why nothing ever worked out the way I wanted it to. Again I would ask God why me? Why was I fatherless, why was I under financial strain, why was I worn out, and now why couldn't I have children? 

I got my answer and I heard it over and over until it really sunk in. It was all so that I could let go! All he wanted me to do was LET GO! Release my cares, worries, and life to his control. To allow my weakness to display HIS strength. He wanted me to listen for his voice that was there to guide me on this journey. He wanted my full cooperation to surrender, he wanted me to release control - to be wholly surrendered.

I've been living this surrendered life since January and it's not easy. The biggest hurdle on this journey has been getting over myself. I often blame the devil but honestly he gets too much credit - I’ve been standing in my own way. I allow my head to be filled with doubt. I frantically search google for answers. I am the one who doubts that God could have a blessing this huge in store for me. Considering how he has delivered me from so much before the devil should not be able to convince me of anything contrary to God's mighty power, provision and love for me! 

This week I was told by the Holy Spirit to step out of the way! He told me to stop bringing up the past to God, stop reminding myself of past failures and disappointments. He told me that God knows all that and he doesn't need me reminding Him every five seconds about what I've been through - HE was there with me! It was time for me to let go of the past and all the bad experiences it contained. If my hands continued to hold on to the past there would be no room in them to hold "the PRESENT".

If God's voice couldn't be any clearer he led me to this scripture in the book of Isaiah and if that doesn't scream "stop beating a dead horse" - I don't know what does.

Sometimes I get so afraid of this new journey that I have to scare myself out of trusting that God is doing something new. Sometimes I feel like what God has given me isn’t for me and that if I hold on too tight it’ll be snatched away. But in my heart I know that's not true - I wish I could just turn these emotions off.

Before my appointment last Saturday I was so worried I could hardly sleep I prayed for peace and finally fell asleep. Hours later God woke me up and told me that everything would be great and that I needed to trust him. As I walked out of my apartment on the way to the doctor at 5am the sky was still dark, the sidewalks were covered with fragments of ice and it glittered with every step I took. It was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. In that moment I knew God was speaking to me, both in my heart and in nature - reminding me that he was there and that he was paving the way before me and dusting it with glitter.

Im serious this time, I am giving it all up. I am breaking up with Dr.Google, Mr. Worry, and Negative Nelson. I want peace and the only way I can get that is by being Wholly Surrendered. There is nothing foreign to God about making a baby, he's got this!
Your Turn: Is there an area of your life that God is asking for your complete trust? Are you finding it hard or easy to surrender? 


  1. This is so good! So much power when we LET GO!!! I love your faith and obedience to follow His voice!!! You know He told us to 'let go' of fertility stuff! Can't wait to see what He does with and for both of us! xoxo

  2. I admire your strength in surrendering! So glad you heard that voice right when you needed it most that morning. Dr. Google is no match for our God!

  3. This is something we've been talking about and praying about recently. I have come to the conclusion that there are many things in my life I need to let go of. This post is yet another confirmation of that, but I'm just not sure what that looks like in day-to-day life. My prayers for the last few days have just been for clarity and vision and to clearly hear his voice. Thanks for sharing your process...

  4. This us what God is asking of me as well. The future is so unclear and uncertain for me right now and He's just asking me to rest in His good will and trust Him.

  5. I LOVE this post, by the way!

    I like how you said that we give the devil too much credit--we get in our OWN way. So true! I'm glad you're on this path to surrender. Surrendering is the only thing we can control in this process. Surrender will also help when it is time for you to give birth.

    You inspire me. And yes, no more Dr. Google. Google is way too dramatic and tells lots of lies. Bye, Google.


  6. Love this post! I try really hard to be proactive about worry, meaning that I try to only concern myself with the things I can control. But it's hard!

  7. love this. I need to do the same thing. esp worrying. i'm your newest gfc follower. would love a follow back

    come join the blog hop challenge.

  8. Yes there surely is and I'm having a difficult time as well, but I know that God is able. xoxo

  9. What a great post, this is so perfect for me right now. Totally going to go highlight those verses in my Bible . . .

  10. Wow, what an example to the rest of us! This truly ministered to my heart. I especially appreciate you saying "I often blame the devil but honestly he gets too much credit" It's so true! Thanks for linking this up with the Faith and Fellowship blog hop!

  11. I'm a worry wart. I worry about everything! I've even worried about where in the bible it tells us not to worry and if we're not to worry then is worrying a sin? Gah! Surrendering all is something I dream of being able to do and not sure if I'll ever make it there.


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