Can you see my Insecurities?

22 January 2014

Sometimes I can't hide my insecurities. Sometimes they stand in the way like big road blocks in my life. Even with my faith being the strongest it's ever been there are times that these insecurities still rise to the surface. I am a strong person and I hate to admit that there are a few things that I feel insecure about - but dang it I do!! They have not driven me to a place of hopelessness or fear because I am constantly praying them away, but I am tired of thinking about them.

Before I went to Florida I could feel the enemy trying his best to put a damper on my trip. The first leg of my Christmas was trip was supposed to be spent with my dad. You may know a bit about our relationship from previous post, if not read here. Long story short my Dad and I have not seen each other in 8+ years. I won't give him all the blame in that because I did shut him out, but I have been trying really hard and it seems like I keep hitting a wall in our relationship. This Christmas he lied to me again, he stood me up. Almost instantly the little construction workers who live around my heart began building up a wall. I have been praying to God to help me get these construction workers under control and to order them to tear that partial wall back down. My relationship with my father brings up many of my old insecurities. His rejection of me and love for my sister makes me feel like I am not good enough - even when I know that's not the case. Being open to reconciliation to someone who has hurt me countless times before is so hard, but I know it's the right thing to do. I also know I have to guard my heart. I haven't reached out to talk to him because I have said what I had to say, but if he tries to call to apologize I am willing to take his call.

After I managed to shake off the feelings about my Dad - I made it to Florida to spend time with my favorite people, my maternal family. I had not seen some of them in a few months but I knew the questions were coming. When are you guys going to have a baby? My younger cousin recently had a baby with his girlfriend and I just hoped that since there was a new baby in the family the occupancy of my uterus would not be questioned. Low and behold the questions came like rapid fire even from people who'd never asked me about a baby before. I couldn't help but have a sinking feeling of inadequacy. My heart wanted to scream give me a break - I wish getting pregnant was easy for me, but it's not. I know that at 26, 27 in a few months I will be the person who got pregnant the latest in life in this family but this is the hand I have been dealt. It's been a hard road but I have learned to embrace the journey that I am on.


In the past both of these situation would have possibly sent me to a dark place. The rejection I feel from my father would have hardened my heart. The inadequacy I feel from not being a mom would have widened the gap between my family and I, but my faith in God has made all the difference. I can honestly say that even while feeling a little insecure in the moment prayer reminded me of how valuable I am to God. Without a Father and without a baby I am his creation and he loves me for who I am, flaws and all. My sweet friend Caroline shared this post, just as I was writing this one. When insecurities arise it's good to remind ourselves of who's image we were made in.

I have been studying the story of Gideon with my small group. His story is that one that was made famous in the movie 300. Gideon was a lowly farmer who God used to do big things. After God told him he would be a mighty warrior he still felt inadequate, but God equipped him and made him great anyway. He reminded Gideon that his image was not the one that he sees of himself but the one that He, the Lord God sees. This year in my goal to surrender I have decided my insecurities are one of the first things that I have to let go of. The old me was insecure, but I have been made a new person in Christ. Will these insecurities go away completely? Maybe not because the devil is a liar and likes to use lies to hold us down but I refuse to be a slave to insecurities when I know how God sees me. I am Overcoming the Lie with my friend Ashley again this year. I will not let the enemy speak into my life and I will not allow him to corrupt my God-image. I am not the rejected daughter of an absent father, I am not the woman with the empty womb - I am the daughter of the King!

Your Turn: Is there anything that you feel insecure about? How are you handling these insecurities? Have you taken your insecurities to the KING?



7 comments:

  1. I love your outlook on it! Hope everything went well yesterday!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hey friend. Someone once told me that in the times we're closest with God is when Satan will try his best to attack. So don't lose heart, keep your faith strong! And while I personally do have a present dad, my hubs had a physically present/but not there and all kinds of other drama added on. He went though a period where he didn't see him either, and now he's trying to mend what relationship they can have left. And I think we have a lot more in common than we knew ;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I LOVE THIS! And I really needed to read it today! "I refuse to be a slave to insecurities when I know how God sees me." I need to write this down!! Thanks friend! ♥

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh Charity, I'm so sorry so many insecurities came back up this winter! It's so hard!!! It's such a blessing to know that God is here for us, in the midst of our insecurities! I'll be praying for you!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Mmm. Good stuff, here friend! I'm so sorry to hear about all that brought back insecurities this past winter but I'm so grateful for your honesty and realization that we're really and truly made in His image and that He really and truly cares for us, too--despite our good or bad circumstances. :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. This was fantastic Charity! Your image " you are who God says you are" is just awesome and so reassuring too! Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  7. This is good stuff Charity! I love that chart of who we are vs. who we are in Christ! Thanks for sharing :)

    ReplyDelete

I am so glad you came by your comments are important to me. Tell me what you think about the post above and leave a comment in the box below. I respond to all comments via email and if you do not get a comment back it is likely because you do not have a visible email address on your blogger profile making you a no-reply blogger. Click HERE to learn how you can fix that. Thank you for stopping by, Happy Reading!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Proudly designed by | mlekoshiPlayground |