A Story of Change

27 December 2013

Thank you Charity for the opportunity to guest post on your blog and thank you to everyone for reading along on our journey. I met Charity through the TTC blogging community and recently met up with her in person. She is every bit of beautiful and amazing that you would imagine she is through her blog. It was as though we were old long lost friends even though we had never met in person before.

When Charity asked me to guest post I thought a lot about what to share with all of you and how to word it. I want to share my story. Its a story of hope even though we haven't had our happy ending just yet. I hope that in sharing this you can see that you are not alone and that if you are in a dark place you find hope and see that you won't always be there.


Right now I am 28 years old, and relatively young in the infertility community. My husband is ten years older than me though and much of the time as we wait to become parents it feels as though the sand of time are slipping through our fingers. Rob is my other half, my missing puzzle piece, and my true happiness. Even through the struggles we have now as we move forward into our first IVF, which is anticipated to being in January 2014, we still find a way to find joy and laughter in each day.

My life was not always like this. When I was younger, like most teenagers do, I thought I was invincible. I met a boy and he ended up breaking my heart. I thought he was my forever. I followed blindly behind him as he lead me into dark places of drug abuse, lies and mental abuse. I believed every word he said and I pushed aside every single tear he caused because I thought that he loved me. I pushed aside family members and friendships. I lost who I was and became a part of him. It wasn't until he went on years later to marry another woman, while still trying to string me along on the side, that I realized that I needed out of that relationship.

When you leave an abusive relationship- whether its mental abuse where you are constantly told you are nothing without the other person or physical abuse where the scars are on your skin and visible for the world to see- you will struggle to see past your own scars. Certain things will rip those scars wide open and even all these years later I still find scars being opened at different times. It will be a hard climb to recover from abuse like this and it is happening in our world today all around us. I met him when I was 10 years old and was with him until I was 20. I was young while I went through this and I was lucky I found my way out.

You can tell a person until you are blue in the face that they should leave an abusive relationship and they may even physically leave the relationship;but until they are truly ready to let go mentally as well they will still be involved involved in the relationship. They will still suffer from the previous abuse. It takes a long time and a lot of strength to move forward. Couple that with having to overcome addiction and you will compound the issues that you are dealing with ten fold. It took me two years to become healthy and happy. I had the help of a counselor and friends that stuck by my side. Every step was not always forward, but my progress moved continually forward.

In the first few years I had to truly find myself. I didn't know who I truly was on my own. I still honestly struggle with this today. A large part of my youth was spent following behind and not being able to make a decision for myself. I found out that my favorite color was blue, but I also like purple. I found out that I enjoyed reading a good book and cooking in the kitchen. I like my eggs sunny side up and I found that I enjoyed all different types of music. I have traveled and visited other countries and found that I love Disney. Most importantly I found that my family is so very important to me and that I longed to be a mother.

I went on to quit the job I was in and become an EMT. Since those years long ago I can say that instead of destroying my life and others around me that I have saved lives and I have made a difference in my community. When I started working at my new job I also found my husband and in 2007 we started dating. It was a real relationship where we walked side by side. I learned what it was like to have someone help build you up and be your strength when you are weak. I learned what real love looked like. Things are not always easy for Rob and I. We have had our fair share of struggles, but I can honestly say that my husband and I can get through anything side by side.

 I made a lot of mistakes in my past. Its hard to tell you all that I have no regrets, but I do know that if I didn't take each step I took during my life and my recovery to find myself I would not be where I am. Even though we have been trying to have a baby for 3 years and even though my body seems to be letting me down at times I know that right now I am exactly where I am suppose to be. Through all this I have found a faith that I didn't know I had.

Maybe we don't have our happy ending just yet, but I do know that I am with who I am suppose to be with. I know that I am happy and healthy. I know that I overcame a lot of dark places to get where I am today. I hope that all women suffering with abusive relationships know that they can get out. That there will be happiness at the end of the dark tunnel.

I hope all those that we dealing with infertility never forget to live in the day that they are given and to enjoy the time that they have while waiting for their happy endings. I have learned to do my best to embrace every single day that I have been given while we are waiting. I have learned that its okay to like things different from my husband. I have learned that its okay to be an opinionated woman. I have learned to harbor new friendships without fear and to move forward into the light of this life. I have learned that with faith and love and friendship that everything will be alright.

Kasey

5 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing Kasey!!! I had no idea what you had been through but what a great picture of God's sweet redemption! I think it's great wisdom to embrace every day we have now! Thanks for sharing your story!

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  2. So touching Kasey. I think I love you even more now for sharing such a personal experience. You are an amazing woman. So glad you met your soul mate. :)

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  3. Such an open and honest post. Thank you very much for your boldness in sharing with all of us. I believe there are great things ahead for you!

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  4. gorgeous post and its so true that, faith, love & friendship - such key things. Loved this - thanks for sharing!!!

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  5. Wow! I am so glad that you found your sweet husband! You are so strong! What a great example of always having hope! Thank you for sharing :)

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