Shut Up Charity!!

22 October 2013

Have you ever had any moments where you wish you could just step outside of your body and tell yourself to shut up? Well I have those moments often. I won't discount my progress I know that God has brought me from a really long way. Before I talked way more than I listened, now it's official that I listen just as much as I talk!! Hopefully the scales will continue to tip in the direction of listening more.

This week my dear sweet husband told me that he wanted to spend more time with me. He doesn't put pressure on me especially during my peak photo season but I have to admit that after his birthday extravaganza I dialed it way down. I've been editing, writing, reading, and I haven't even seen the pots in two weeks. So when he told me that he wanted to spend some time together I got annoyed. Now I didn't read his remark as "Babe I miss you and I want to spend time with so we can reconnect." Instead I read his comment as a complaint about my work and my self care. And I was mean, I took a jab and said "I didn't complain when he worked so much I just sucked it up". In that very moment I wanted to say shut up Charity!!! What was wrong with me? Why was I reading between the lines of a comment that was innocent, loving, and that came from a place of longing?!

After my snarkiness emerged I immediately closed my mouth and wished I could take it back. I took a moment in the bathroom and just asked God to help me to say the right words. When I came out my husband was sitting in the same spot kind of somber definitely saddened that I had taken his words the wrong way. I asked God for the right words to fix the situation and guess what? I was speechless. Needless to say talking had gotten me into this mess so maybe being quiet would get me out. I sat down on the couch next to him and just hugged him and said I was sorry. We talked it out the next morning and I said that I would try harder to be present. I was also reminded to not let my pride or selfishness get in the way of responding to my husbands needs. 

I have done really good at encouraging him, loving him, and being kind. But some where along the way I skipped out on listening actively and serving him. I had so many things coming up that both annoyed me and occupied my time - but my circumstances are no excuse to ignore the ones I love. The fact that I am so busy that my husband is speaking out shows that I am too busy and juggling too much.

I am happy that I can see a huge break in my calendar and I look forward to getting back to spending quality time with my love. We have plans for dinner again Thursday night. I have vowed to myself that I won't even take my phone I want to completely disconnect and spend time with him. Here's to hoping my wife report card for next week yields straight A's.

Your Turn: Are you intentional about spending quality time with your spouse? When life gets busy in what ways to you make sure you stay connected?


  1. Since our schedules are crazy I try to leave little gifts at home- whether is a card or a dessert- to show that even though we aren't together I am always thinking of him and loving him.

  2. we have date weekends so every sunday, we drop K off at his parents for the afternoon and then we go off and do our own thing together. it could be anything but it's with out kids so we get to spend time on our own.

    Vodka and Soda

  3. We have a magnetic chalkboard on our fridge that says "I love you because...." and we take turns writing love notes to each other. We are constantly texting each other too....even when he's upstairs in his office and I'm downstairs in the same house. Ha! I will text him to ask if he wants me to make him lunch (so I don't interrupt a call he's on or whatever) or to just say I LOVE YOU! Little stuff like that goes a long way!

    1. This is super sweet Emily!!! I may have to take that idea and use it. I was writing my husband notes and putting them in his lunch box or wallet but I haven't made him lunch in 3 weeks. I fell off the wife wagon. Trying to get back on!!

  4. Such a great post, and such a great thing to realize! Sometimes life just gets in the way, and it's rough!!!

  5. How sweet! I love reading these ideas and girl, I totally struggle. Sometimes Colby says he gets jealous of the laptop. I need to be more intentional about meaningful 1-1 conversations. I think the best way to start that is by eating dinner together (at the table), with no tv :)

  6. This is something I think my husband and I struggle with. This last weekend we went away and realized it's the first time in a long time we had just sat and talked without distractions or interruptions! So sad, we both decided we need to make more of an effort in this area.

  7. This is such a beautiful post. If all wives are honest, I think we struggle with this at some point along the road. I can totally relate to saying something I shouldnt and then being speechless when I could speak Jesus filled words. I love your heart and longing to be more like Him. Your marriage is definitely beautiful and I always love learning from your posts. Thanks for sharing your heart with us. You should whip up some of those delicious looking baked goods of yours for dessert :)

  8. awww, I haven't been married 2 years yet, but we can't go a day without at least some minutes of alone time.. the one time I travelled without him was hard. but still, going away together or having a date every now and then is sometimes a struggle to arrange

    your blog is lovely, glad I've come across it xx


  9. Awww. Sometimes its easy to focus on the negative things we say/do but I'm sure your positive moments and words far outway any negative ones!!! Good to acknowledge it and awesome to move on and grow from it. Which I'm sure you two lovebirds find even easier!!!

    I think we are intentional about spending time together, but it definitely needs work to be more 'quality' time with each other without all the distractions.

  10. I struggle with this too! I think our Husbands are a lot alike and they are just calm and collected when they are super busy and stressed. And I know that, at least in my case, I'm frazzled when I get super busy! That's when the snapping happens! Thanks for sharing this! As for reconnecting, we are both pretty bad when it comes to using all tech stuff, so we have to force ourselves to put away the laptops, ipads, phones, and tv and just have a good conversation! We always say you can't force chats, but when the room is quiet, you blurt out a chat like no ones business! :)

  11. This is a great post! Sometimes I put my foot in my mouth when I get frustrated with my husband and once you realize what's happened, it's really hard to fix! I think sometimes a hug and I'm sorry is the only thing you can do in the moment to fix it.


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