Shame?!

15 July 2013

When I stop by to read a blog I am the type of reader who will read your post and the comments. Sometimes you find information, comedy, and potential blogging friends in the comments section. When reading the comments on a friend's blog today I found inspiration and conviction. I found a little kiss and confirmation from God telling me that he loved what I was doing on this blog. But the conviction came because he told me that I was ashamed - ashamed at struggling with infertility. 



As much as try to convince myself that I am not ashamed today I realized that I am. I have exhibited my shame in being a recluse, jealous, or snippy. I am ashamed that I deal with infertility I am saddened that my husband and I could not make a baby the "normal" way. I am ashamed because I do not have a supportive family and any little nugget of information they receive turns into gossip. Gossip that fuels conversation and makes the person behind the gossip seem inadequate.

I felt shame for being infertile because absolutely none of the people in my family have ever had to give making a baby a second thought. It literally all came natural to them. I have always been some what of an odd one in my family - my taste in music differs, I had a different choice in friends, I speak differently and I have totally different views when it comes to life, and unlike most of my family I go hard for Jesus. I have made myself comfortable with being the oddball for all those other things - but something about infertility was different. I find it lonely, scary, and condemning - I find that infertility makes me fear the future.


As a child of God I know I was not made to fear, for God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline (2 Timothy 1:17). In a previous post I admitted that infertility was a part of the story I am meant to share on this blog but once I found out family members were reading my blog I back tracked. I got scared because I didn't want anyone to know. I know it sounds childish and I scoff at myself for the way I feel but I have committed to change. I will no longer allow my shame to stop me from doing God's work because this situation is not in my hands. I have realized that if someone uses my infertility to put me down then something is wrong with them not with me.


God put this desire in my heart and I am waiting on him to fulfill it. I pray to encourage some of you other ladies who are in seasons of waiting whether it is for marriage, children, jobs etc - we all have the same task. We need to trust in God's timing without fear or shame and just believe.

18 comments:

  1. I so appreciate your honesty. I am saddened to find more and more women opening up about their infertility with the same attitude as yours. It shouldn't be this way. Infertility is much more common than people think, but I think most of society thinks it's rare when it's not. No one really knows how to deal with it.

    Praying for you!

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  2. Hey there! Just wanted to say thanks for stopping by my blog and linking up to the Happy Aloha Blog Hop! Also, thanks for the compliment on my blog design (you put a smile on my face) :o) Hope you have a wonderful Monday!

    http://www.croppedstories.blogspot.com

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  3. Thanks for sharing! You are truly an example of where I want to be in my faith walk with God about me and my hubby having a child (or two). Continue to share your story!!

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  4. I'm reading this with tears streaming down my face. If anyone deserves a child you are the one. I'm so happy that you aren't ashamed of this anymore because it isn't your fault. I keep praying and having faith that God will answer our prayers for you to have a healthy, happy bundle of joy. But, even if that doesn't happen I will always love you, and I am proud of you for helping other women who are facing similar issues in their lives. Love, Mommy

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    1. I love you Mommy. Seriously this is 1,578,645,018 reason why I am so glad that you are my mom. You are so genuine and lovely - I adore all your qualities. When I become a mom I want to be just like you. I know one day my children will be bless to call you Grandmom. Thank you for supporting me during this difficult process with love, continual support, and most of all your prayers. You mean so much to me and I know God placed you in my life to help me through this. Thank you for being my best friend and mom rolled into one...thank you for being my biggest cheerleader.

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  5. Thank you for this post! I pray that God will one day bless you and your husband's with a precious bundle of joy! :)

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  6. Oh Charity, I'm so sorry that you're going through this AND that you're feeling ashamed for it. You are a precious child of God and He loves you and views you as perfect!

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  7. Love the verse you posted, 2 Timothy 1-7 - God doesn't give us a spirit of fear, or of doubt, or of shame. Rebuke the enemy on this one sweet girl. Those feelings are not from the Lord, so glad that He has put this on your heart to share. You are not alone friend!

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  8. Charity, there are so many things I want to say, but I think the one that is most important is a huge thank you. Thank you for being brave, for proving fear that God is bigger than fear and that being brave is best. Thank you for sharing this part of your life. I have no idea what it feels like to be in your shoes, but I do know (and I know you know) that I (as well as everyone else!) struggles with wanting things we don't have. So I may not know your exact feelings, but I know that prayer helps and I'm praying for you.

    Thank you again for sharing this part of your heart with us!

    p.s. LOVE that verse from Romans. That is such a good one to be reminded of daily.

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  9. I linked over from another blog via Twitter, and I love your honesty in this post! I'm sorry you're having this struggle, but I know sharing your heart will be a comfort to others. This is something we all can be reminded of.

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  10. Oh. P.S. Your blog design is the CUTEST! I love it.

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  11. I love your honesty. I know I've said it before, but it's true. Especially when it's so personal. If it's any consolation, I've known and heard of many, many couples who have been in this situation and God opened the womb and blessed them with a children/children. Some were cases where doctors had told them bearing a child was medically impossible; others where that wasn't the case, it just hadn't happened yet. Just recently, my aunt's brother's wife had a set of twins after coming to terms with the fact that she wouldn't bear children of her own. They adopted a child and that child had a dream that his mother was pregnant, and she was! I do believe in miracles.

    Here are two Scriptures that hopefully will provide you peace in difficult times:
    Romans 10:11 (KJV) For the Scripture says, “Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame.”
    I Peter 2:6 (ESV) For it stands in Scripture: “Behold, I am laying in Zion a stone, a cornerstone chosen and precious, and whoever believes in him will not be put to shame.”

    Be encouraged!

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  12. Thank you for sharing something so personal. I pray God blesses you with a baby!

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  13. Hey Charity!

    I really can't even imagine the struggle or frustration that you must be going through. I just want to let you know that I think you are so amazing for being as open and honest as you are. Just from reading your posts, you inspire me to want to be more open in all of my blog posts. And also, I know in my personal life, the Lord's timing is so much different than ours, that sometimes it's hard for me to believe that He truly has something so much better in store for me. But I already know that He has something AWESOME in store for you. You're awesome.

    Love ya! hannah

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  14. Sweet friend, I am so thankful for your heart. I certainly have no clue what it means to be in fear of infertility. However, you are extremely inspirational and I believe the Lord will honor your faithfulness to Him during this time. Honesty and fear are perfectly normal, although we can find so much comfort in the word of Christ. You have posted some wonderful verses and I so hope that many others are encouraged by your words wisdom. You are beautiful and were made in His image for a purpose, my friend. I SO wish we lived in the same city! I could just hug your neck every single day!

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  15. I honestly want to write out this long comment about how Christ our comfort, but you know that. In infertility, I didn't want to hear that. I really just wanted to know I was loved and supported through it all. So, Charity the thing I really wanted to say is, that I do love you. You have all my support even if it from across the country.

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  16. It's truly amazing how God uses us. I feel like we share very similar stories (except I'm still waiting on my baby - or two hehe). I keep reminding myself: God put this desire in my heart, and I know he will follow through. I JUST know it. We also were diagnosed with Unexplained Infertility, but trusting and believing that God can and WILL overcome this.

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