Why Did I Get Married?

19 May 2013

I have never been a fan of Facebook for the simple fact that I think they make way to many changes that affect my online privacy (sounds crazy since here I am blogging about my life but I get to chose what I share here). I also steer clear of Facebook because there always seems to be some type of drama there. Now I know you are thinking well there is drama everywhere and while I agree Facebook is notorious for it's fights, cheating scandals, divorces, suicide notes and so on. However today in one of my rare Facebook appearances I saw a post titled "Getting Married Young: Is it a Good idea?

Now while I felt compelled to chime in I also read more than half of the comments. There were only a few people who actually defended young people getting married.

The ones that argued against getting married young had these points: 

You don't know yourself.

You haven't experienced life.

You don't know what you want.

You are immature.

You are not ready for that responsibility.

You are not educated.

You have no financial stability.

You should experience the world.

I also saw a few comments that did not agree or disagree with getting married young. They replied:

Some people can mature with their spouses.

Some people are not ready at 30 or 40, it depends on the people.

You care to know my take on it? I think marriage is not about age but more so about why you are getting married. Are you getting married for sex, for money, for companionship, because your clock is ticking, because you are pregnant or because got someone pregnant? Or are you marrying because you admire God's creation of marriage, you have fallen in love, and you are committed to living the rest of your life with the person you love God's way? 

It really annoys me to see people offer their opinions on marriage when they have no idea what it's about. I do not believe you have to be married to understand God's design for marriage - you can simply read God's word. It is evident that many of the people responding to this question were basing their opinions on the world's view of marriage not on God's design for marriage. Most of the comments above had the word "You" in common showing that people believe that marriage is all about them, when it's not. People are so keen on running from responsibility and excusing the ones that do run from it that they use age as the ultimate excuse. Your late teens and early twenties are not a pass for reckless behavior, irresponsibility and selfishness. And while I agree that during those years you learn the most about yourself - learning who you are in Christ is more important and essential to your marriage at any age. 

I think most people are looking in on young marriage with the wrong eyes. I know a lot of marriages that have survived 40+ years and they were married young. I also know many people now who are coming up on 10 years of marriage and they were married young....I can count my marriage in that number. What do these people have that helps their marriage work? They have the resolve to repair their marriage rather than to replace their marriage. With that in mind I do not think anyone should get married before understanding God's design for marriage and before committing to allowing him to be at the center of it whether you are 18 or 45. Age, finances, and education have nothing to do with your calling to be married. Look at some of the celebrity couples that seemingly have it all -  and their marriages still fail. I do believe that having a handle on your finances does help your marriage but you do not need to be rich or highly educated to have a successful marriage.

I also wonder why people feel like you have to experience so much of life before you get married - having that view point makes marriage equivalent to death. They make it seems as if you stop living when you get married and that can't be further from the truth. There are so many things that you are only supposed to experience when you are married like sex, babies, and cohabitation - but because people are so keen on "experiencing life" they change the dynamic of their future and the futures of their partner and potentially a child. I have had an array of experiences with my husband that I could never have imagined experiencing with anyone else, and while from the outside looking in marriage may look mundane it is a constantly evolving partnership. Just like any other part of life it has it highs and lows. Sometimes people view marriage as a trap but it gives the greatest freedom because outside of God you are able to live and share your life with someone while being completely yourself.

So with that said I am not pro young or old marriage. I am pro getting married when you are called. I am pro getting married when you committed to being married God's way. I am pro getting married for the right reasons. I am pro getting married when you and your potential spouse have the same morals and values and are ready to pursue life together, forever. 

How old were you when you got married? What's your view on getting married do you believe that you need to be a certain age to have a healthy marriage? Let me know in the comments below.

PSA & Apology: To my bloggy pals please check your blog to see if word verification is on for comments. I always get so annoyed when I want to leave a comment and then I see I have to do a captcha. It's really hard to do on mobile devices too and just super annoying. So I came to my blog just to make sure mine was off and low and behold it was on again. I suppose it came back on when I redid my blog design so my apologies to all of you who wanted to leave comment but didn't because of the word verification. Feel free to leave your "captcha" free thoughts below.

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  1. I got married at 19 (: I believe marriage is such a special thing, it is an adventure on its own! I believe if you truly love this man/woman and you share the same morals, it shouldn't matter if your 18 or 44. It is about if you are ready to spend your life with this person through sickness and in health, through the good and the bad! If you question that, or have second thoughts, you're probably not ready. But that isn't for me to judge. I just knew when I met my husband he was something special. We had the same morals, both loved Jesus, both wanted to save ourselves till marriage. I am still learning things about him, and I have been married for 3 years. We have each grown and matured over those 3 years, and I love him more than I did 3 years ago. My parents got married when they were 16 and have been together ever since. 23 years! They have seriously been to hades and back and still stuck together. They never gave up, even though they each wanted to. All in all, marriage is something else, and I wish people would stop judging because not every couple is the same (:

  2. I honestly don't think I saw marriage through God's eyes until AFTER I got married. I think I viewed it culturally for sure. I fell in love and married him to start a life together. I think since I have a religious foundation/faith, it didn't take me long to realize what a big deal marriage is and why God IS a part of it and why He wants that for us. I've learned so much in the few years I've been married and I think overall marriage has made me a much better person. I used to put down super young or super quick marriages myself. I was very narrow-minded when it came to relationships and I've had to eat a lot of my words as I've learned how wrong I was.


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