Faithful Friday: Changing Prayers

03 May 2013

So most of the time I have tried to keep spirits high on this blog and to share things that encourage people when they are down. I have been converted into a positive thinker after living several years of my adult life on the pessimistic side. Tuesday I went to the doctor and the good news I was hoping to share with you all will not be happening any time soon. I was hoping to tell you all that Mr.FixIt and I would be on our way to starting some fertility treatments, but our preliminary test did not come out so well. We have not completely given up on our dream but we are currently just puzzled and trying to figure out a way to be pleased no matter what the outcome may be.

Doctors have told me that one of my key hormones is relatively high for my age. It has never been high before in all the years that it has been tested, but just this one time it has gone up just a few mere points above the norm. Tuesday the sting of the news threw my husband and I off, he was so upset that I spent much time reassuring him and being concerned for his feelings - which he never shows. Yesterday when I was having quiet time with God I realized that I was more upset than I had let on. I tried to hide my feelings in a little "retail therapy" on Tuesday and it didn't work - it actually never does. I realized that I am pretty disturbed by the news, I had felt that my breakthrough was nigh and then I felt as though maybe I had been hearing God wrong all the while. Then I read an email that was sent to me in the wee hours of the night and it said that our prayers are not always meant to change our situation, but sometimes they are meant to change us.

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Change us? How should I be praying to change myself? How can I not pray to get myself out of a circumstance that hurts me so badly? How can I not pray to be blessed with my heart's desire? Well it's simple, I will never stop praying for those things - but in those prayers I can trust that God's response to my prayers will change me. I know that not everything that we will pray for will be given - sometimes certain things are just not in Gods will for us. So through my persistence in prayers I believe that God will help to change me, to help me grow to be okay with whatever his will is. To show me that there is more for me, beyond my prayers and beyond anything I could ever ask for. Sometimes when I hear those words coming from the mouth of others my heart sinks, but I know it is reality that there could be something out there greater than what I dream. I just wont know what it is until I get to it. That's the mysterious thing about our faith, sometimes we do not see our path clearly until we look back on it. I had so many dreams when I was unmarried, I planned to travel the world, live in New York City just me and my dog. I knew I would be a lawyer living the dream and only worrying about what I wanted. But God had bigger plans for me and in comparison to the life that I dreamed, a life that seemed so rich and full - the life that I am living here, today, right now is richer and fuller than I could have imagined. God gave me an amazing partner for life - my husband, and together we have traveled many places and moved to the city. Together we have done many of the things together that I planned to do alone, but having him adds so much more value to my life. At that time I prayed for my circumstances to change but instead I was changed, my mind no longer desired to live a life centered around me. My new self desires to share my life with my family and friends while living for God.

With all that said my desire to share my life with my children is still there. I will continue to pray to have God's favor and blessing on that part of my life. But I am truly excited to see how God will change me through my prayers. I am still waiting, hoping, and trusting in a breakthrough and I know that God will honor me because I will be honest and faithful to him. Whatever you are going through in life, just do not give up, even if your situation seems dire or unending know that God will see you through. You are allowed to take some down time to reassess, compose your thoughts, or to even cry it out - just keep your faith and get back up. Something will change because of your prayers whether it be you, or your situation.

XOXO
Charity

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1 comment:

  1. Great post! And so true. When I stopped praying for a baby and started praying for healing in my heart and acceptance for my circumstances and His will for my life...it definitely changed everything for me. It still hurts but I'm able to be happy despite it when I was in a dark, sad place before.

    I'm sorry you received bad news and hope that you find peace in your heart.

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