Letters to GOD Series: Letter Three – FORGIVENESS

17 March 2013


Dear God,

This month has been a time of reflection on the things that you revealed to me last year  At 25 years old I was able to recover so much of what I allowed the enemy to hold over my head, and so much of what I allowed to keep me from experiencing your complete joy. Thank you for the revelation of what having an unforgiving heart was doing to my life. Thank you for showing me just how much holding a grudge was changing me from the person you had crafted me to be. As dark as my heart had become there was no way that I could live up to my name. 




I have been hurt by people’s actions and words. Some of them proved truly remorseful, others pretended to be oblivious of the ways they had hurt me, but you God are my defender. I had no business trying to get even by coldly cutting people out of my life. I had no business rejecting people’s apologies, and I had no right to say that someone did not deserve my forgiveness. Yes in doing this I too rejected my right to be forgiven by you, you've commanded that we should forgive those who trespassed against us. By having an unforgiving heart I was not being obedient to you or sharing the grace that you extended to me. But still in this time you were so patient with me and so gracious, you continued to give grace to me even when I was hoarding it all for myself. I apologize for ignoring all the people you had speaking into my life on forgiveness. 

Your conviction and your words finally rang true to me last year and I opened up wounds that I had never treated – in doing this I was able to grab your hand as you lead me in the direction of being victorious instead of the constant victim. Your love for me and the hope of your forgiveness was enough to help me to try and repair those broken relationships. It has been a year now and that garden of dying relationships is finally showing signs of life again. You have helped me to restore the relationship with my earthly Father and to fill empty relationships with close relatives with love instead of hate. Jesus’ words in Luke show me that I should have a forgiving heart always, but to still guard my heart in the process. Help me to shield my heart against gossip, toxic speech, and jealousy. I have to know that if people do not know you, they cannot love like you.

I am so sorry for the time that I spent wallowing in a fatherless stupor, never realizing my true Father had been watching over me the entire time. When I foolishly hitch hiked you were there, you sent a loving Christian to take me home. The times that I cried into my pillow at night, not being able to sleep while being filled with anxiety over all the things that went wrong with my Earthly dad you were their soothing my soul so I could sleep. When I was sent into a spiral of anger and hardheartedness about gossip, and rumors that were being spread by my own family you were there assuring me that I was loved by you - and that was all that mattered. The bitterness that blackened my heart changed who I was but your love can over come anything. Thank you for always being there for me, thank you for being a father to the fatherless.

You my God have restored me – in times of dissension I thought that by not speaking to certain people I would have peace. This was not true peace as I was not doing anything you had told me to do. I also know that family is a gift and as much as I felt like I did not need some of them I know that you had given them for a reason.  So who am I to reject your gifts? Who am I to say they were not good enough? Who am I to say they do not have a purpose in my life? Thank you for allowing me the time to work through my stubbornness and for allowing me to realize how wrong I was even though I had been hurt. I honor you by being your obedient child, and I forgive because you forgave me. Thank you for restoring my peace and my family. Even though this family is not perfect  in you we can be.  I will do my part to make the memory of my family a legacy that loves Christ, a family of morals and values to be upheld and inherited by my children. I will make this family my ministry.

I ask you to use me to help others change their unforgiving hearts, help my heart to always look like yours – to be one that loves, forgives, and extends grace. 

I love you. 

XOXO,
Charity

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