He Knows My Heart

13 January 2013

It’s been a few days since my last post and in the course of a week I had the most amazing girls day out with friends in my new city —- then the very next day I was plagued with some type of stomach bug. Still not sure if I can call it food poisoning because I hardly ate anything that day or the one prior to it. Nevertheless whatever it was brought about the worst sickness I have experienced in years. I had chills, fever, and a whole lot of other unmentionables going on. Now five days later with a stomach that still trembles at the sight of food I can finally indulge in living my life again.

Everything is slowly returning back to its normal state MrFixit is at work, and I’m back to my quiet zone. It’s just me and Sydni —- our 6 year old chihuahua. In my quiet time today I reread some letters to God that I wrote when I was at my sickest point this week. Looking back on those letters this morning revealed to me a changed that had happened in my marriage. For a very long time I have desired for my husband to show me his love in every way. Don’t misunderstand my husband is wonderful and very loving. However when I fell ill in the past I’ve always felt like I was on my own, save for my mom who frequently came to care for me when she was near by. My husband doesn't come from a very nurturing family so naturally he’s not very nurturing. I knew once I moved away from my home in Florida I would truly be on my own for many things, especially with my husbands work hours, and the fact that we have absolutely no family in a one thousand mile radius. I've been the pillar of health for 6 months—-besides a knee injury that hasn't stopped me from keeping up with all my duties as a wife.

On Sunday night I woke feeling so nauseous and I knew it was going to be a rough night. My husband awoke with me as I hovered in the bathroom he catered to my every whim and cleaned up after me so graciously. I want you to know it was around 2am, and I awoke and did the same thing every hour after that. My husband also repeated the same steps until eventually he couldn't sleep anymore. He walked our dog at 6am and then stayed in the living room researching my symptoms. Mr.FixIt promptly went to the store to fetch Gatorade and Ginger-ale for my upset stomach. I was instantly soothed and slept most of the day even though my tummy problems persisted.

As the days moved on my husband read my devotionals to me, cleaned our house, cooked his own dinners, helped me move from a liquid to solid food diet again and last night he even did my laundry. I know, it’s all so breathtaking. His prayers, help, love, and nurturing of me —-made me breath so much easier and I am sure help me to recover to good health.

Just in the last few days Psalms 37:4 has been made so clear to me. It states:
Take delight in the Lord , and he will give you your heart’s desires. (Psalms 37:4 NLT)
So many times we push and poke our spouses hoping that it’ll get them to change or be who we need them to be. Often times it works temporarily or doesn't work at all, many times it destroys the marriage. It’s so easy to run to our friends and families about things we go through with our spouses, and sometimes we fail to see the root of those issues because we don’t always know our own hearts.

But have no fear God knows your heart. God sees my heart, and he knows it’s desires. This week he gave me something I have desired my marriage. It has taken a while but we must trust in The Lord’s timing and his ability to develop our spouses in to better mates in the same way his constantly develops us.

My husband was a champion, and truly cared for me with Christlike love. In turn I will continue on my quest to always be his Crown and pillar of encouragement (Proverb 12:4). I embarked on a journey of submission long before I could see the fruit of this work, but oh how beautiful it truly is.

Hope you all are well and How are those life resolutions going?


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